Wooden Spoons? Seriously?

Spoons I Made Out of Maple, Yellow Poplar, and Basswood

Don't make fun of me for this suggestion, but I swear any grandmother would love a wooden spoon as a gift.

Until recently, wooden spoons to me were funny-shaped sticks I picked up for 3-for-a-dollar at WalMart and didn't hesitate to stick in the dishwasher, because they were easily replaced when they got splintery and gray. Of late, though, my perspective has changed. I've been consolidating my kitchen stuff; I no longer want to cook with disposable-quality tools and I want to take care of the good equipment I do have. I've also become aware that the old adage, "They don't make 'em like they used to," applies to wooden spoons as well as it does to cotton sheets, eggbeaters, and toasters. Did you know that people hardly ever used the softer, spongy woods for wooden spoons a hundred years ago? They used durable, dense, closed-pore hardwoods like maple, cherry, and apple wood. Spoons made of such woods can be heirloom quality and last for generations.

As my awareness grew, so did my quality spoon collection. In the process of buying spoons from handcrafted spoon makers, I decided they were costing more than I could afford and that I would do better to start making my own. So I did - some out of maple and poplar wood I had lying around and others for practice out of basswood. (Basswood is generally claimed to be too soft for food applications, but I'm testing that now by using my own basswood spoons.) Now I'm firmly addicted to the hobby! 

This poplar spoon has some flaws in the bowl. Poplar is not ideal for spoon making because it is somewhat soft. But it is easier to work than maple.

When I posted the picture at the top of this post to Facebook, I was surprised  to get such a wistful "I want one!" response from various people. My woodworking was by no means expert and the utensils I made were kind of weird. But it seems people were looking beyond the flaws to the beautiful, natural and functional objects underneath.

Handmade wooden spoons are probably the perfect gift: 

• They're gorgeous because wood is gorgeous.
• They're made of material that complements any decorating scheme and appeals to most tastes.
• They're useful.
• They're one-of-a-kind. 

They're also quite cheap for what they are: functional, enduring, and ornamental at the same time.  A wooden spoon will NOT be stuck in a drawer and forgotten. The only problem you might have if you give a grandmother a wooden spoon that's extra spiffy in the looks department is convincing her to put it into service rather than just use it for display. (This happened to me when I gave my grandma some gorgeous decorative plates years ago. I wanted to bring beauty into her daily life, but I do believe she never actually used them!)

So you have a couple of options if you want to give a grandma you know a wooden spoon as a gift. You can buy one from treenware makers. (Treenware is another name for handcrafted household wooden objects like bowls, utensils, etc.) Or you can make one yourself. If you want to try making one, I'll be happy to do a tutorial if you like. There are many different ways to make wooden spoons and they kind of depend on the sorts of tools you have on hand.

If you opt to buy before you try, I bought my first wooden utensils from Whetstone Woodenware, Alleghany Treenware, NH Bowl and Board, and even eBay and Amazon.com.  All were awesome.

Hope this idea works for you...but I do warn you, even if you opt to buy one as a gift, you might just get lured into making the darn things, like I did!

Original Funny Birthday Poems & Limericks for a Grandmother

Birthday Poems for Grandmothers

Here are my original birthday poems about grandmothers. Feel free to read them aloud for personal use at birthday parties and other special occasions. Please do not re-publish, distribute, or use them for commercial purposes.

So...why did I write these poems, you ask? And why funny?

My grandma had a great sense of humor. She wrote poems all her life, kinda like these - cute and amusing, with funny little twists, usually for special occasions. She wrote them for her friends to give to others, and for herself to recite as speeches during birthdays, weddings, holidays, and all those fussy public speaking events that elderly ladies participated in, way back when.

I was amazed when I learned that when she was a young, newly-married woman in the early days of the 1900s she had a part-time job writing greeting cards. Sadly, Grandpa thought it best that she stop working, so that ended that career. But the poetry didn't stop within her. I can still see her smiling as she read her original poems to a crowd and hear the whole room laughing with her, nobody ever getting offended by her tactful, clever, but sharp-witted poems that she personalized for her buddies.  (Her son, too - my dad - also created poems all his life...very different ones, and he, too, often personalized them for the recipient.)

Grandma died about ten years ago. But I thought it would be a cool idea to make up a collection of poems dedicated to grandmothers that I think - I hope - my own would have appreciated. I'll try to add to them as I think of new ones. I hope the grandma in your life enjoys them!

Grandmother Birthday Haiku

Grandmas never age
But one day a year they rest
And say, "Why the fuss?"

Poem to an Energetic, Hip Grandma

You may not sew and you may not crochet,
You may not bake macaroons every day,
You may not buy tickets to a grand ballet,
Or be like the grandma of yesterday.

You may not answer with a vague, "Yes, dear,"
You may not have trouble in one ear.
You may not always have your knitting near,
Or overflow with constant cheer

You may not have scalloped, scented soap
Or fuzzy toilet seat covers (I hope)
With embroidery needles you cannot cope.
Big hair? Wig hair? Nada and nope.

But I love you without the stereotype.
I've been thinking we should connect on Skype.
You're my bud, Grandma, and I'd really like it
If I could take your path and be able to hike it.

I look at what you do each day
And I see each one is your birth day.
You live anew in all you do.
Dang, I wanna be like you!

To the Grandma Everyone Leans On:

Grandma, another year has passed
Some might even say you're older.
(Um, well, not me, of course,
That's for one much bolder.)

Another year's experience.
That's a good way to put it.
Three hundred sixty-five days wiser
That couldn't be bad - or could it?

"Grandma, what do you think of this?"
"Grandma, I need some advice!"
"Grandma, could you help me with that?"
It's gotta be tough being smart AND nice.

Today's a good day to forget it all
And ask ME to lend a hand.
So I'll wait till tomorrow to ask you for help
Assembling a computer stand.

While Presenting the Birthday Gift:

Well, Gram, it's your birthday
I know you don't like a fuss
So I thought I'd just give you this poem as a gift...?
Okay, I admit it, I'm a terrible wuss.

I had a hard time figuring out what to getcha.
See, I get now how you felt, you betcha.

All those times you asked, "What do you want?"
And I said, "Anything is fine."
Now I get it. My bad, my bad.
Please permit me to whine?

I've spent the last several weeks
Tearing my hair out for ideas
What don't you have?  What do you want?
I went to Walmarts and malls and Ikeas.

I scoured the world for the perfect gift
That would properly honor a woman
Who always gave gifts without a clue or a lead
And never whined as I've here done.

So it's with great trepidation and a bit of gloom
That I offer you this humble present.
Though it cannot represent what you've meant to me
At least it taught me a lesson.



Warning:  Though they start mildly, the following limericks descend into true silliness....

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #1

There once was a grandma who had
A birthday that wasn't too bad
It was sweet, it was quick
At her teeth she did pick
But the party was totally rad.

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #2

There once was a stubborn candle
Yelled Grandma to her son,  "Hey, Randall!
Come bring your hot air!
And aim it right there!
My sweet breath alone can't handle!"

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #3

This grandmother hopped in her car
And sped to the store, not too far
Came back with a box
Of bagels and lox
'Cause birthday cake gave her tartar.

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #4

A birthday party in June
Quickly descended to ruin.
Grandma didn't show up
'Cause her kitty did throw up
And the store was out of balloon.

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #5

A birthday limerick went bust
When the subject, a Grandmother, cussed.
She wanted no party
Yeah, she was a smarty.
She got her limerick...just.

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #6

A Grandma from California
Said, "Kids, I adorya.
This party is hot
But my chicken is not.
Could you pop it back in - and the corn, yeah."

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #7

There was a Grandma named Sue
Who forgot her birthday - it's true!
When she came home one day
To a cake, she yelled, "Hey!"
"Surprise!" they replied.  "Yes, YOU!"

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #8

There once was a Grandma well-dressed

Who said, "I'm a mom double-blessed.

My kids had kids

I flipped my lids.

And now I never rest!

Grandmother Birthday Limerick #9

A Gramma who hated to sleep

Refused to sleep too deep.

Without a smidge of guilt

They made her a quilt.

She sighed.  "I hope it was cheap."