Birthday Poems for Grandmothers
Here are my original birthday poems about grandmothers. Feel free to read them aloud for personal use at birthday parties and other special occasions. Please do not re-publish, distribute, or use them for commercial purposes.
So...why did I write these poems, you ask? And why funny?
My grandma had a great sense of humor. She wrote poems all her life, kinda like these - cute and amusing, with funny little twists, usually for special occasions. She wrote them for her friends to give to others, and for herself to recite as speeches during birthdays, weddings, holidays, and all those fussy public speaking events that elderly ladies participated in, way back when.
I was amazed when I learned that when she was a young, newly-married woman in the early days of the 1900s she had a part-time job writing greeting cards. Sadly, Grandpa thought it best that she stop working, so that ended that career. But the poetry didn't stop within her. I can still see her smiling as she read her original poems to a crowd and hear the whole room laughing with her, nobody ever getting offended by her tactful, clever, but sharp-witted poems that she personalized for her buddies. (Her son, too - my dad - also created poems all his life...very different ones, and he, too, often personalized them for the recipient.)
Grandma died about ten years ago. But I thought it would be a cool idea to make up a collection of poems dedicated to grandmothers that I think - I hope - my own would have appreciated. I'll try to add to them as I think of new ones. I hope the grandma in your life enjoys them!
Grandmother Birthday Haiku
Grandmas never age
But one day a year they rest
And say, "Why the fuss?"
Poem to an Energetic, Hip Grandma
You may not sew and you may not crochet,
You may not bake macaroons every day,
You may not buy tickets to a grand ballet,
Or be like the grandma of yesterday.
You may not answer with a vague, "Yes, dear,"
You may not have trouble in one ear.
You may not always have your knitting near,
Or overflow with constant cheer
You may not have scalloped, scented soap
Or fuzzy toilet seat covers (I hope)
With embroidery needles you cannot cope.
Big hair? Wig hair? Nada and nope.
But I love you without the stereotype.
I've been thinking we should connect on Skype.
You're my bud, Grandma, and I'd really like it
If I could take your path and be able to hike it.
I look at what you do each day
And I see each one is your birth day.
You live anew in all you do.
Dang, I wanna be like you!
To the Grandma Everyone Leans On:
Grandma, another year has passed
Some might even say you're older.
(Um, well, not me, of course,
That's for one much bolder.)
Another year's experience.
That's a good way to put it.
Three hundred sixty-five days wiser
That couldn't be bad - or could it?
"Grandma, what do you think of this?"
"Grandma, I need some advice!"
"Grandma, could you help me with that?"
It's gotta be tough being smart AND nice.
Today's a good day to forget it all
And ask ME to lend a hand.
So I'll wait till tomorrow to ask you for help
Assembling a computer stand.
While Presenting the Birthday Gift:
Well, Gram, it's your birthday
I know you don't like a fuss
So I thought I'd just give you this poem as a gift...?
Okay, I admit it, I'm a terrible wuss.
I had a hard time figuring out what to getcha.
See, I get now how you felt, you betcha.
All those times you asked, "What do you want?"
And I said, "Anything is fine."
Now I get it. My bad, my bad.
Please permit me to whine?
I've spent the last several weeks
Tearing my hair out for ideas
What don't you have? What do you want?
I went to Walmarts and malls and Ikeas.
I scoured the world for the perfect gift
That would properly honor a woman
Who always gave gifts without a clue or a lead
And never whined as I've here done.
So it's with great trepidation and a bit of gloom
That I offer you this humble present.
Though it cannot represent what you've meant to me
At least it taught me a lesson.
Warning: Though they start mildly, the following limericks descend into true silliness....
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #1
There once was a grandma who had
A birthday that wasn't too bad
It was sweet, it was quick
At her teeth she did pick
But the party was totally rad.
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #2
There once was a stubborn candle
Yelled Grandma to her son, "Hey, Randall!
Come bring your hot air!
And aim it right there!
My sweet breath alone can't handle!"
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #3
This grandmother hopped in her car
And sped to the store, not too far
Came back with a box
Of bagels and lox
'Cause birthday cake gave her tartar.
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #4
A birthday party in June
Quickly descended to ruin.
Grandma didn't show up
'Cause her kitty did throw up
And the store was out of balloon.
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #5
A birthday limerick went bust
When the subject, a Grandmother, cussed.
She wanted no party
Yeah, she was a smarty.
She got her limerick...just.
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #6
A Grandma from California
Said, "Kids, I adorya.
This party is hot
But my chicken is not.
Could you pop it back in - and the corn, yeah."
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #7
There was a Grandma named Sue
Who forgot her birthday - it's true!
When she came home one day
To a cake, she yelled, "Hey!"
"Surprise!" they replied. "Yes, YOU!"
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #8
There once was a Grandma well-dressed
Who said, "I'm a mom double-blessed.
My kids had kids
I flipped my lids.
And now I never rest!
Grandmother Birthday Limerick #9
A Gramma who hated to sleep
Refused to sleep too deep.
Without a smidge of guilt
They made her a quilt.
She sighed. "I hope it was cheap."
